Two and a half years ago I came to a dark point of emotional exhaustion. At the urging of family and friends, I went to a counseling center in Seattle. There I learned that I was experiencing the results of years and years of addiction to adrenaline and approval. Long story short, I came away from those two weeks of counseling with a God-given plan for recovery and freedom from workah0lism and worry.
Over the last 30 months I’ve continued to re-read what I wrote in my journal at the Center. Today I read this:
“I am detoxing from workaholism; I will have tough days of withdrawal. When I remove workaholism, I am no longer masking my fear with activity.
As I take off the bandage of workaholism, fear oozes to the surface of the open wound. Below fear is low self-esteem. Without a bandage, ugly low self-regard comes to the surface as well. It’s not fun to look at, but …
… I have decided I don’t need to be afraid of feelings of fear and feelings of unworthiness. The surfacing of these unhealthy feelings, and my awareness of them as they surface, is part of my God-ordained healing process.
The human mind (including mine) has amazing plasticity. I can refuse to follow former mental pathways and, with God’s help, I can think about my feelings and speak about my feelings in a new way. When something triggers my low self-regard I can say, “Look at this. I am now aware its a self-esteem moment. This brings me to the place where I can make a new choice about how I think and speak.” Recognizing and acknowledging these feelings can be painful, but doing so is the pathway to peace and recovery for me.”
I am still on the pathway to recovery and full life. The Bible says, “The path of the righteous grows brighter and brighter.” It’s true.